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In the mess hall

employees: Fishman, fishman, fishman, fishman! (makes a raucous with their cheers and laughter)

Link: (poses as the employees cause a raucous) Are you ready for some Link-ball?!

Coverton: Boo, boo! Giantess, explain. Why are the sheeple praising the swamp monkey?

Susan: Every year the base plays the secret service in this football game thingy. Link's our star player, so he's kind of a celebrity this week.

Link: And I love all of you almost as much as you love me!

(the chef bawls hysterically)

Link: Bro, I appreciate the feels, but you can dial it back a little bit.

chef: It's not you, it's the onions. But I'm also a huge fan.

Coverton: (scoffs) Lame, any opposable-thumbed halfwit can throw a (has his show a football) spheroid. Observe as I...

(Coverton's chair malfunctions causing Coverton to fly through a banner and push Link towards the hallway)


In the hallway

(Coverton and Link fly through a box of hammers, cinderblocks, and both; they also push a rusted gas container)


In the hangar

(Coverton and Link fly through the wall to the room, and into the main gun of a tank; the explosion from Coverton's chair causes the tank to fly and fire up in the air; Link lands on Coverton and Coverton tries to crawl away; Link's head goes in the main gun of the tank as it falls, and then it leans on to Coverton)


In an unknown room

(Link has a cast on his top fin and lies on his back on a bed)

Monger: Doc, you better have good news about my star jock.

Dr. Cockroach: Afraid not, General. (walks to Link's X-ray sketch) Due to Link's hyper-extended cranial fin, he will be, (talks slightly) out for the season.

Monger: It's only one game!

Dr. Cockroach: Precisely.

(a dark musical chord is heard)

Monger: NOOOOOO!

B.O.B.: (moves to the foreground) Drama! (moves away from the camera)

Link: Whoa (Slightly pushes Monger) chilly. It's just a little old noggin rudder. (sits up on the bed) The rest of me is good as----(falls on the floor) Woah! (stands up and then falls back down) Ah, oh, yah!

B.O.B.: Looks good to me.

Dr. Cockroach: It would appear (moves a magnify glass by the x-ray) that much like a feline's tail, Link's head fin (moves the magnify glass) is essential to his coordination. Until it heals, he'll be nothing but a bumbling, fumbling, slip-sticky mess.

Link: (wobbles and falls as Dr. Cockroach speaks) What?! That's impossible!

Dr. Cockroach: Scratch your head.

Link: (slaps his head) Wait, wait a second. I got this. (pushes his hand towards his face) Wait, one minute. (pushes his hand towards his face) Okay. (slaps his head)

Monger: (paces) This is a disaster! With Link benched, who's gonna help me win my game? (turns around towards Susan as his movement makes a creak)

Susan: Us?! No, we don't play football.

Monger: (passes a football) You do now. I order every healthy monster slash alien to lace up (slaps B.O.B.) and join the team! Move, move, move!

(Link wobbles and slaps himself while Monger talks; later on, Susan, B.O.B., and Dr. Cockroach left the room)

Link: (wails) But, but my moment of glory! (wails)

Coverton: (lies on his bed with multiple casts on him) I am not thrilled either. (slurps as he tries to reach for his drink, but falls off the bed)


Out on the desert

(militaristic music is played as the base creates a hologram that looks identical to a American football field; Susan and Dr. Cockroach put on their helmets while the vornicarn eats Sta'abi's helmet; Sqweep is already wearing its helmet)

B.O.B.: (puts on his sombrero) Sporting sombrero.

Monger: Listen up, you may have not played football before, but don't worry. We will be victorious on this field of battle as long as everyone...

B.O.B.: (throws green liquid towards Monger and cheers goofily) Yeah!

(Monger growls at B.O.B.)

B.O.B.: Too soon?

Hathaway: (laughs as he appears with four secret service agents) I see you're hydrating, Monger. Well good 'cause my agents are gonna mop the field with your team! Oh, pre-game burn!

Monger: We'll see about that Mr. President. My monsters and aliens are more than ready to...

B.O.B.: (pours many water bottles on Monger) WAH-HA-HAH!


In an unknown room

Coverton: (shuffles his cards using levitation) Go fish.

Link: Go fish yourself. (licks a playing card and puts it on his head) Link's getting back in the game. One replacement head fin and boom, coordination restored. (jumps towards the floor and then falls down while screaming)

Coverton: (uses his levitation to peek one of Link's cards) Oh look, you owe me three fudgie budgies. (chuckles)

(someone pushes the door towards Coverton; Dr. Cutter with a baseball cap enters and takes off the cap)

Coverton: Dr. Cutter.

Dr. Cutter: You still (throws away her cap) remember me? Oh hands to heart, I am touched.

Coverton: Save Coverton! (stands up and he tries to jump away from Dr. Cutter)

Link: Um, I'm sensing (scratches his head) some awkward history here.

Dr. Cutter: Oh he's just miffed I tried to steal (hugs Coverton's head) his brain.

Link: Okay see, not to take sides, but----

Dr. Cutter: It was for science! (pushes down Coverton) And I was starting to think I'd never get (puts her fingers together like scissors) another chance, until today. (talks while a flashback is shown of her escaping) First I had to find a way to sneak into the base, which was easy 'cause, you know, genius! Then I gained a sneaky disguise.


In the flashback

Dr. Cutter (in the flashback): Ooh, Mystery-o-city. Fun! (chuckles)

Dr. Cutter (in the present): After that, I simply, I don't know, lived in the walls for three months; waiting for the perfect moment.


Sometime in the story

Coverton: any opposable-thumbed halfwit can throw a (has his show a football) spheroid. Observe as I...

(Dr. Cutter sneaked by Coverton and pressed a button causing his chair to malfunction)


Back in the present

Link: O-kay, so you're not so right in the brain yourself.

(Dr. Cutter licks Coverton's head)

Coverton: (walks away from Dr. Cutter) Save Coverton!

Dr. Cutter: Don't count on it, your monster buddy is benched. (activates a razor and a laser beam out of herself) Now, that big alien brain isn't going to just pop out on its own.

(Coverton's chair pushes Dr. Cutter down and makes a hole in the wall with Coverton and Link sitting on the chair)


In the hallway

(Coverton and Link hits another wall and having them fall off the chair)

Coverton: My big beautiful brain. My B.B.B., it's doomed!

Link: Not today. (grabs Coverton) The way I see it, you're like the football. Getting you outside to safety is just like getting the pigskin into the end zone, (raises his fist) and that's what the fishman does.

(Coverton screams)

Link: Buckle up bread head, it's game time. Yah! (runs towards a wall)



Out on the desert

(a secret service agent catches the ball and scores a touchdown while while B.O.B., Dr. Cockroach, Susan, Sta'abi, and her vornicarn tries to catch the ball; Monger slaps himself)

Hathaway: (moves his hands close to Monger) Oh, burned by a man with pom-poms. (laughs hysterically)

Monger: Burn all you want sir, I've got a secret coach's weapon to turn this thing around. Behold, (takes off his cap) the awesome game-winning power of the (puts on his cap) rally cap! Time to win!

(Hathaway moves away from Monger)


Sometime later

(Susan tries to throw the football, but the vornicarn catches it with his tongue and eats it before the agents tackled Susan)


Sometime later

(Dr. Cockroach avoids three secret service agents, but the vornicarn catches the football with his tongue and eats it)


Sometime later

(Susan throws the ball inside B.O.B., but the vornicarn catches the football inside of B.O.B. and eats it)


Sometime later

(Dr. Cockroach fires a football using a blaster to aim towards Susan; Susan catches it, but Dr. Cockroach fired so hard that it made her fly a little bit and one of the secret service agents catch it, B.O.B. catches the ball by walking through the agent that has and have two other ones that were trying to stop him to go through him; B.O.B. thought he scored a touchdown, but Monger got mad because B.O.B. was on the sideline)


Sometime later

(the vornicarn got tired, and spits out the footballs he ate. He even spits out a secret service agent)


In the hallway

(Dr. Cutter scans to find Coverton and Link)

Link: (avoids the laser) First and ten, she's got a pretty impressive defensive line. If we're gonna break through, we'll need to run a quarterback sneak with a fumble-roosky slant option into a reverse Statue of Liberty double-hitch boot less sweep rush.

Coverton: (whispers) What the floognarg is that?!

Link: (sighs) Sneak past when her back's turned.

(Link and Coverton found an exit)

Link: (grabs Coverton) Remember, be silent like a----(stumbles) Oh, I can't be silent!

Coverton: This is not silent!

(Dr. Cutter spots Link and Coverton, and tries to fire at them, but they land in a dumpster that rolls away from her)

Dr. Cutter: Wow! (cackles while chasing after them and fires at the dumpster)

Coverton: (gets thrown out of the dumpster) Whoa! (hits the wall)

(Link lands on Coverton)


In the elevator

(Link tries to press the buttons on the elevator)

Coverton: Press a button, any button! (whispers) Press a button!

Link: I'm trying! (pokes Coverton)

Dr. Cutter (in the hallway): (shoots a laser) Wow! (cackles)

Link: (grunts as he tries to push a hole in the elevator) Even better!

Coverton: Why?!

Dr. Cutter: (stops moving) Wahoo! (charges her blaster)

Link: Because you don't need coordination to...

(Link and Coverton scream as they fall down the elevator)


In the hangar

(Link and Coverton lands on the plane having Coverton groan and Link astonished)


In the plane

Link: All we got to do is hit the autopilot. The jet rotates, hangar opens, we'll fly out of here in style. (starts to press the button)

Coverton: (stops Link) Oh right, because you're such a boss at pushing buttons! Leave it to the Cove-man before you epic fail once more.

Link: (gives a thumbs up) Not the finger I was thinking of, but alright, go for it.

(Coverton presses the button)

autopilot: Autopilot engaged.

Link: You did it! Chest bump! (hits Coverton and lands on his head)

(Coverton hits a button with his head which causes the plane to spin around for a little bit)

Link: Seriously bro?!

(the plane crashes into the mess hall)


In the mess hall

Dr. Cutter: (traps Coverton by using Sqweep's scooter to create a force field) Interception! (cackles) This alien scoot-about-er is a hoot and a half!

Link: Drop the alien. (runs up towards the ceiling a falls down)

Dr. Cutter: It is so thoughtful how easy an opponent you've been. Oh, and don't tell, but I'm taking a pair of B.O.B.'s underpants too. Tootles! (brings Coverton)

Coverton: Wait wait, someone save Coverton!

Link: Come back and face me! I'm not outta this game yet!

Dr. Cutter (in the hallway): (stops) Please, it was never even a fair fight. (cackles and moves away from Link with Coverton)

Link: (flips his body around found two bags of raw onions) Time to even the playing field.


Out on the desert

(everyone gets in position)

Susan: Hike! (throws the football before getting tackle by two agents)

(Dr. Cockroach catches the football and runs closer to the end zone)

B.O.B.: Stiff arms! (stretches his arms and blocks the agents that's trying to get the ball)

Monger: Hot dog, we're gonna score!

Sta'abi: (tackles Dr. Cockroach and takes the football) Sta'abi has captured the footb'ball. Staaaaaaaa'abi!


In the hallway

Coverton: Dear doctress, end the charade. We both know you're powerless against my intergalactic wiles. (grunts flirtatiously)

Dr. Cutter: (stops moving) Over it. Now which way to the cockroach's lab? Time to noodle in your noodle.

Link: (shuts off the lights) Hold those noodles doc. Looks like we just went into O.T. You better have your A-game ready 'cause QB Link's gonna...

(Dr. Cutter fires at some bags of raw onions and cackles)

Link: Trick play baby.

Dr. Cutter: (squints, checks what she fired at, and stands up) A bag of onions, what good will that... (sobs)

Link: That's right, onions. And now the scales are balanced. You don't wanna tussle, with all of this muscle.

Dr. Cutter: Bring it! (stops the force field carrying Coverton and tries to fire at Link, but misses)

(Link and Dr. Cutter pathetically fight with one another; Coverton tries to move away, but Link hits him and falls near Dr. Cutter)

Dr. Cutter: (sees Coverton and mistakens him for Link) I gotcha!

Coverton: No, I'm not the swamp monk...

(Dr. Cutter fires at Coverton which makes him scream)

Link: (runs towards Dr. Cutter) I got you now! (jumps in the air over Dr. Cutter) Mantis kick! (flips a switch which causes crates to hit Coverton)

(Dr. Cutter and Link juggles Coverton in the air as he feels pain)

Link: (backs towards a crate and breaks up) Oh-oh, long bombs.

Dr. Cutter: (aims at Link and cackles) Eyes on you. (Dr. Cutter fires at the bomb)


Out on the desert

(Dr. Cutter, Coverton and Link fly off the base; as a secret service agent was about to score and touchdown, Dr. Cutter lands on him while Link and Coverton lands near her)

Monger: (blows his whistle) Who the blazes is exploding onto my football field?

(Dr. Cutter stands up as Monger, Hathaway, Dr. Cockroach, Susan, and Sqweep gasp)

B.O.B.: (points at Dr. Cutter) Evildoer!

Dr. Cutter: (aims her gun) I told you I would taste vengeance! (cackles evilly)

Link: (picks up Coverton) Moment of glory. (throws Coverton like a football)

(Dr. Cutter cackles and Coverton groans after hitting a side of the goalpost; Coverton uses that side as a slingshot and hits Dr. Cutter)

Dr. Cutter: Oh! Fourth and I'm down. (falls down) Ooh.

(Link stands up and grabs the football while on the end zone)

Henry: (walks towards Link) Touchdown Area Fifty-Something!

Monger: Whoo mama, we scored!

(Susan, Dr. Cockroach, Sqweep, and B.O.B. cheer)

Link: Oh-ho yeah! (grabs Coverton and spins him around) Link-ball for the win baby!

Coverton: (stops spinning while carried by Link) Oh yeah, we bad!

Link: I did it, check it.

Coverton: Get back with your bad...

Link: (slams Coverton towards the ground) Touchdown of the fishman! Whoo-hoo-hoo and hoo!

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