In the thinking tank of Area Fifty-Something
Monger: (flies in his jetpack) Seventeen sightings in one month; (flies across the table) seems we've got us an unidentified alien (shows the map on the table) in the Pacific Northwest, and I want answers.
B.O.B.: The letter "H"! (thinks some more) Thomas Alva Edison!
Link: Answers to the alien problem, B.O.B.
Susan: Don't worry general, team monster is ready to kick alien butt and we're happy (stands up) to start with (points at Coverton) this one.
Coverton: (scoffs) Good luck finding my buttock. (points on what he's sitting on) You think it's here. But in alien anatomy, who knows? Maybe it's on (shows his foot) my foot. (chuckles)
Link: (slams the table) Knew it!
(Coverton teases Susan)
Susan: Ew! Get your foot-butt (slaps Coverton's butt) out of my face, Coverton.
Monger: (stands between Susan and Coverton) Stand down, both of you! Coverton's our (brings Coverton close to him) insider. He can smooth over first contact with the extraterrestrial, and/or annihilate it. Either way, I'm good.
B.O.B.: (stands behind Coverton) I always thought that was his butt (tickles Coverton's nape)
Coverton: Tis not!
In the woods
(the jet lands in the woods while the squirrelsTeam Monster exiting the jet)
Susan: Okay guys, mission is a go. Link, you're on point. If you see anything, give the signal.
(Susan and Link got surprised from what's lurking in the woods)
(the thing with glowing, red eyes hides in the bushes, a high-pitch whirring is heard, and the creature from before runs away behind the trees)
Monger: (flies towards Dr. Cockroach) Okay, what do we got?
Dr. Cockroach: It's small, fast, and it appears to be stalking us. (sees the creature running away) Yes, definitely stalking us.
Link: Heads up. (drops candy repeatedly while leaving a trail of it) I just laid a candy trail to lure the sucker out in the open, then we can...
B.O.B.: (screams excitedly) Guys, I found wild candy. (eats the candy on the ground and munches loudly) Oh, this is so much better when it's free-range. (eats more of the candy)
(the creature runs behind trying to hide in the shadow; Team Monster tries to stay by each other a Susan grows to her Ginormica form)
Monger: Soldiers, set your attitudes to gluteus kickiness. (gets captured and screams)
Coverton: What a professional abduction! (yells) Big fan of your work!
Susan: It's getting away!
(Susan, B.O.B., and Dr. Cockroach run towards the creature while Link swings on trees and then rides on Susan, and Coverton rides on his chair with the monsters)
Monger: (gets dragged) Let, me, go! That is an order. I will...
Link: We're losing ground.
Dr. Cockroach: I did mention it was fast.
Susan: B.O.B., slingshot express.
B.O.B.: On it! (sticks on two trees and Susan's hand and gets stretched)
Link: Who's going in?
Susan: Eeny, meany, miny, Coverton!
(B.O.B. grabs Coverton while on his chair)
Coverton: Wait, I hurt my... (gets thrown, screams and makes a loud crash)
Link: Hello, first contact.
(Link and B.O.B. gets off of Susan while Team Monster stopping near Coverton where he gets smashed by his chair)
Susan: (bends down) Where is the alien?
B.O.B.: Is it invisible? (shouts while doing random punches with multiple arms) Can't dodge forever, camoflalien. (untangles his arms and shouts)
Susan: Okay, no matter what comes out from under there; we go fast, we go strong, we (stands up) go big.
Sqweep: (gets out of the random vehicle) Please, step with caution. I'm very small and damageable. (blinks)
B.O.B. and Dr. Cockroach: Aw!
Susan: (shrinks down to her human size) Aw!
Susan: You're not gonna hurt anyone, are you, you adorable little cutie? (giggles) Do you have a name?
Sqweep: I am called (talks with a high-pitched) Sqweep. (blinks twice)
Susan, Link, B.O.B., and Dr. Cockroach: Awawawawaw!
B.O.B.: Sqweep. Oh, it's just fun to say. Sqweeeeeep! (has his head come closer to Sqweep) Hi. (babbles and backs his head away)
Monger: (jumps while being tied) May I remind you monsters that this cutie, Sqweep, has your commanding officer dressed up like a Merry Christmas Goose?!
Sqweep: (walks up to Monger) Apologizes if my energy ropes discomforted you. I merely did not wish to have my gluteus kicked as per your order. (blinks)
Dr. Cockroach: How dare you, sir.
B.O.B.: Today, you are the monster. Which means I am the general. (talks in the loud, low-pitch voice) You are all dismissed! (laughs and talks as himself) We're dismissed? I'm gonna hunt more candy. (chuckles)
Monger: Fine. I promise not to hurt the, kid. (gets freed by Sqweep)
Coverton: Oh please, one cute face and you all (pushes Dr. Cockroach and Susan with his chair) drop your guard? The child could be the vanguard of a global invasion. (thinks about it and comes closer to Sqweep) I demand you surrender all of your conquest plans complete with any breakthroughs in human enslavement. Come come, hand them to Coverton. (cackles)
Sqweep: But my mission is peaceful.
Coverton: Borororing. (rides on his chair away from Sqweep)
Sqweep: I'm on an Earth studies field trip.
Susan: Field trip, like school?
Sqweep: Precisely. I'm researching a report on this planet's dominant species.
Dr. Cockroach: A researcher, how darling! Does Dr. Cockroach need to help with all the tricky-wicky data analysis?!
Sqweep: Unnecessary. The finished report is already loaded onto this information pod. All that remains is to transmit it from the communication console on my ship.
Susan: Aww, even the ship is cute!
Sqweep: I made a very thorough study: strengths, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, population centers and complete breakdown of government and military units, and how to defeat them.
Monger: (gets worried about the report as Sqweep explains it) If that kid's report fell into the wrong hands, tentacles, or crab-like pincers; it would be the groundwork for an invasion!
Sqweep: Yes, I suppose that is true.
Susan: (walks to Sqweep) Sorry, but the general's right. We can't let you transmit that; it's too dangerous for the Earth.
Sqweep: I am also sorry, but this report is one third of my Earth studies grade. Any risk to my perfect grade point average will be countered most severely.
Link: (laughs) What you got there kid, bug spray?
Sqweep: Pest repellent. (shoots a laser at Link)
(Link screams as he soars)
Sqweep: (gets on his scooter) I never fail. (leaves with his scooter)
Monger: Code red monsters, intercept that report! (flies with his jetpack towards Sqweep)
Susan: On it!
(Team Monster follows Sqweep)
Coverton: So, very on it. (cackles)
(Sqweep rides his scooter towards its spaceship)
B.O.B.: (gets in front of Sqweep) Ha-ha!
(Sqweep goes through B.O.B.)
(Sqweep goes through B.O.B.)
B.O.B.: Susan, I forgot how to be a solid.
(Dr. Cockroach gets on Monger's jetpack)
Monger: (grunts) What in----Dr. Cockroach, what are you doing to my ride.
Dr. Cockroach: Combination afterburners and homing function general. (changes the function of the jetpack) You are now locked on to the alien child's form at extra maximum speeeed. (shouts)
(Monger's jetpack goes faster to catch up Sqweep, but it crashes towards a tree)
Sqweep: (rides towards Monger and Dr. Cockroach) I'm sorry for any inconvenience to your faces. (goes back to its trail)
Link: (stops Sqweep) You're in over your head, kid. (punches the air) I have decades of combat training (kicks the air) and the speed of a barracuda. (starts a fighting pose)
Sqweep: I have bees. (gives Link a hive and goes back to its trail)
(Link screams and gets stung by bees and Sqweep grunts after being grabbed by Susan)
Susan (in Ginormica form): Game over Sqweep. Just hand over the report and we can... (trips from her shoes tied together)
(Coverton levitates Sqweep)
(Coverton levitates the scooter towards Sqweep)
Sqweep: You tripped the large-size female?
Coverton: We are fellow aliens on a strange planet and therefore natural best friends. Why, I could even help protect your information pod. (laughs)
Sqweep: Unnecessary, (shakes Coverton's pointer finger) but I am very pleased to be your new best friend. (goes back to the trail)
Coverton: Best friends share, that's how you know they're best friends. The sharing. BFS!
(Sqweep goes in its ship as the others catch up (including Susan in her human form) as Sqweep opens the information pod)
Monger: Sweet rhubarb pie, we're too late!
Dr. Cockroach: Not yet. (grabs supplies from a campsite and ran away from women screaming at him; sticks ketchup and mustard bottles with tape, puts a metal spoon in between the bottles, puts wooden sticks through the bottles, and sticks the marshmallow at the end of the stick farthest from the bottles) Behold, a jamming device so powerful, it would not only block out transmission of Sqweep's report. It will flash-fry the data forever! (laughs, has lightning hit the device, and shoots Sqweep's ship with electricity)
(Sqweep shoots a counter strike at Dr. Cockroach for him to be electrocuted and B.O.B. eats the marshmallow from the device)
Sqweep: Science is my favorite subject too. Would you like me to teach you how to be better at it? (starts to show the report)
Dr. Cockroach: I'm beginning to despise that child.
(Sqweep shows a hologram project with a picture of squirrels)
computer: Being report (opens more of the report) transmission.
Sqweep: Squirrels, Earth's fluffy puppy masters.
Link: Um, well.
B.O.B.: (chuckles) Squirrels.
Susan: Um Sqweep, what is this?
Sqweep: My report on Earth's dominant species.
Monger: And you think that species is the squirrel?
(the project has the squirrels be like puppets making Link and Dr. Cockroach giggle)
Susan: Wow, really?
Sqweep: Clearly it's squirrels. Their leaping, foraging, and fluffiness skills are superior.
B.O.B.: (goes in front of Sqweep) It's called "science" people. (shows Sqweep)
Sqweep: Their language is too complex to completely decode, but I am certain they are secretly running every major world organization.
(Link and Dr. Cockroach laughs at Sqweep)
Susan: (punches Link lightly) Be nice.
Monger: little alien, I assure you it's us humans who dominate this planet.
Coverton: Unfortunately, yes.
(Sqweep shouts while running in its ship and takes out the information pod)
computer: Report interrupted. (fades the hologram)
Sqweep: (types) Please ignore transmission. Will submit project later. Hugs, Sqweep. (sighs)
Susan: Wait, will submit project later?
Sqweep: It is one third of my grade. I must stay and redo my report, with humans this time.
Monger: What makes you think I'd allow an alien to run willy-nilly over my terra firma?
Sqweep: I think I have already proven that you cannot stop me.
Dr. Cockroach: Can.
Dr. Cockroach: Yes I can.
Monger: Enough! You want to stay here, you will operate under my supervision out of our base at Area Fifty-Something.
Dr. Cockroach: What?
(Link slaps his head and B.O.B. slaps himself to the right of his eye)
Susan: Another bringing in another alien?
Monger: I like to keep my friends close, and my aliens closer.
Sqweep: I accept, and I already have a best friend. (goes to Coverton and shakes his leg)
B.O.B.: (whispers to Sqweep) You're gonna want to wash that hand.
Monger: Then welcome aboard, (handshakes Sqweep) Sqweep. Soldiers, return to base.
Dr. Cockroach: But general, that child is a menace. (whispers to Sqweep) Show-off.
Sqweep: Are all Earth creatures this jealous of superior intelligence? (walks to the others) I should know this for my report.
Dr. Cockroach: I am not jealous. (runs with the others)
(the ship went with the others too; two gray squirrels approach the information pod as the second one shoots the information pod with its eye lasers)
squirrel #1: (chatters that translates to "Close one.")
squirrel #2: (chatters that translates to "Indeed.")
(the two squirrels ran away)